We come into the world as soul within a physical body and as we grow, we develop a mind. Very simply, the mind consists of beliefs, thoughts and emotions that constantly interact with each other. Beliefs, thoughts and emotions also interact with the body and for this reason, I include the body as part of the mind.
The mind allows us to function as physical beings in the world. It can be thought of as a vehicle for living: it enables us to participate in the world in physical form; to interact with others; to bring love to the earth.
Some call the mind the ego. It can also be thought of as our personal identity: who we believe we are; how we perceive ourselves to be.
The structure of the mind is the same for everyone: we all have the capacity to believe, think, feel, and we all have a body, but what we believe, think and feel, and the kind of body we have is unique for each of us.
Socialisation, also known as conditioning
The moment we´re born, we enter an already existing world that is at once social, cultural, political, religious, geographical. This world comprises our external environment.
Growing up, we become socialised (conditioned) by the external environment through our relationships to family and friends and the culture to which we belong. We internalise the norms and values of the world around us as well as expectations, both explicit and implicit, about how we should be and how we should live our lives. The more socialised we become, the more we move away from the soul and start to live from the mind. Eventually, we become shut off from the soul and are unaware of its existence. This movement from the soul to the mind, where the mind becomes our reference point for living, occurs gradually. We barely notice it happening.
There is nothing wrong with the mind. It serves many purposes. But having moved away from the soul to the mind, we are unable to live as the magnificent beings that we are. The light that naturally radiates out from within us becomes clouded by mental activity, by beliefs, thoughts and emotions, preventing us from seeing clearly. We are no longer in our natural state of pure awareness, no longer at peace. We lose contact with our innate knowledge, knowledge that informs and guides us. Our power is diminished. We are no longer whole. No longer free.
Instead, we become restricted and bound by those aspects of the external world that have formed us: norms, values, expectations; limitations placed upon us regarding what is acceptable and not acceptable; what is right and wrong; what we are told we can and cannot do. Sometimes, these limitations are explicit; at other times, they are implict, subliminal. Repeated over and over again, they have a powerful effect and, because we internalise them, they determine to a great extent our beliefs, the choices we make and how we live our lives. This invisible net, that we are not conscious of, keeps us in place.
We do our best to live a good life. We try to fit in, do what´s right, live up to what is expected of us. We work towards being happy, successful, being the best we can be. Sometimes, life seems to go our way and it feels good. There are times when we are happy, when we achieve the success we want, but living from the mind is fraught with challenges. There are no guarantees. Nothing is permanent. Our circumstances can change in an instant.
We live with a constant fear that underlies everything: fear of not being good enough, attractive enough, clever enough. Fear of being unworthy; of being a failure. Deep down, we feel bad about ourselves for not measuring up to how we believe we should be. We believe that if others knew who we really are, they wouldn´t like us. As a result, many of us hide behind a facade – an image that we create of ourselves that we believe others will like.
From behind a facade, we can regulate our behaviour so that we don’t feel rejected. It gives us a feeling of control, of protection. It makes us feel safe. But, hiding brings with it its own pain. Behind the facade, we are confined; we are restricted and bound. We can´t be ourselves; we become isolated from our self, from our essence as soul. It´s lonely living behind a facade. It´s tiring. We are constantly on guard in case cracks should appear that people can see through. We´re afraid to express ourselves freely in case those parts of ourselves that we are ashamed of and are trying to hide suddenly sneak out into the light. We are always on guard, looking out for the slightest sign of rejection.
Yet, all the while we long to break free, to be real ourselves, but because we´ve moved away from our soul, and we are suffering, we don´t know how. The longing to be our selves persists. It makes itself known no matter what we think, no matter what we do. But fear holds us back and we continue to hide.